Flirting with Intent

What we focus on can effect our night out, whether we enjoy ourselves and whether others have a good experience or just an average experience.

Flirting with intent, the right intent is such a key to flirting. So many of us focus on getting a partner or picking up a guy or girl, we can come across as 'flirting for me' that feeling of desperation we sometimes see in bars and restaurants.

Remember it is hard to flirt if you are being self-absorbed.

But what if my real intent if to find a partner? I hear you ask!

Well there is certainly nothing wrong with that as I believe everybody needs somebody.

We can all have the strongest desire to meet someone, but when we flirt, this may not be the biggest 'need' at that time.

A lot of times the other persons 'real' need is their initial need, their initial desire to say, feel comfortable, to feel good about themselves. Sometimes we can get mixed up on the order of things when flirting.

If we focus on the other persons greater desire to feel good and feel comfortable first, we will go a lot further.

Men especially can get the order in reverse by asking for a phone number too early or flirting too aggressively early on. That is, flirting with intent for 'me'.

Most girls like to feel at ease initially, to trust their intuition, that they feel comfortable with this person, then will open up.

Flirting for me, you or us? Which flirting is the right flirting?

Flirting with Intent for Me

It is fair to say the other person is going to get frustrated if your intent is purely for selfish reasons, even if you have success initially.

Chances are though, people with the intent to 'flirt for me' are doomed to end up sad puppies, as there is no longevity when you have nothing to give.

So what is the answer?

Flirting with Intent for You or Us

Have you ever been at a party alone, uncomfortable and wishing someone would come and speak to you, to make you feel good? Let me tell you this is a universal trait that applies to just about everyone.

If that's the case, then why wouldn't other people wish you would approach them to make themselves feel at ease as well?

I will give you a quick tip - if you see a cute guy or girl alone and feeling slightly uncomfortable, try talking to them, talking without any intent other than to make them feel at ease and good about themselves. Tell yourself you won't try to pick this person up but engage them in conversation.

Try some speed dating conversation starters if you need some quick tips.

Sounds difficult?

Believe me, its a lot easier than you think once you see them breathe a sigh of relief, and they will have such a positive view of you.

If we keep in mind the Intent part of flirting is more about whether we focus on our own needs or other people's needs, life becomes a lot easier.

Lets put it another way, how many shop salesman have you purchased from when they were just looking after themselves? Why? I would imagine they did not consider your own needs. They were flirting with intent for themselves.

So why would it be any different out there in the flirting world?

If you are wondering how to approach a person who would like some company, here is another quick tip - Its always handy to start a conversation with a question such as:

What makes you laugh?, orWhat gets you excited?

Depending on the mood you want to create, chances are you will make them laugh, or excited or whatever you wish as they recall their own memories.

Flirting with Intent - Clothes to wear

Try to engage them in subjects they like, involve them more and more and like a game a tennis, you become involved as you flirt back and forth (yes plain old talking is part of flirting), evolving the conversation and discovering more about each other.

Focus on the others needs and you will definitely go a lot further, flirting with intent for the other person is the best impression you can give. Try it and find out.