How to Flirt

Learning how to flirt should easy if you think about it. Since the dawn of mankind, we have been flirting openly with one another.

Have you ever watched a documentary on the animal kingdom that looked into how animals court one another?

What do they do? They prance around, fluff their feathers, put on a show for their potential mate.

Flirting is a natural instinct in both humans and animals and ensures the survival of our species. Unfortunately most humans would rather die than perform any acts of sexuality or even flirtatious behaviour and most of us wouldn't know a flirting signal if it were to hit us in the head!

Why has something that is seemingly so natural become so hard?

Is it just too hard for us now to learn how to flirt, are we beyond the neanderthal approach in our sophisticated modern world we have created for ourselves, or is it the fear of making total fools of ourselves that stops us from taking the plunge?

The 4 Pillars of Flirting

I believe there are 4 cornerstones, or pillars of flirting that make someone a good flirt.

These are Attitude, Awareness, Flexibility and Intention.

Imagine you are making a movie and you are the writer, the actor, the director and editor of this movie.

You get to choose the direction and you also get to choose the ending. You get to choose what you focus on and this in turn sets the scene for you movie.

Now, if you were watching a bad TV show, you would change the channel, and just like changing the channel we can change our movie to what we want. Makes sense right?

So aside from external circumstances beyond out control, we can have control over our own movie.

We can control the attitude, the lines of our internal dialogue, our flexibility in the way we react, our awareness in what we focus on and our intention by directing the movie.

The only thing is we cannot control the other actors, the people we come across. We cannot stop people from not liking us or wanting to talk to us…or can we?

Remember what we believe about others affects how we treat them, and in turn, how they respond to us.

Learning How to Flirt

The first step I always like to concentrate on, before we even go into reading signals or interpreting body language, is making eye contact.

Eye body language can be the most powerful tool for both guys and girls, but usually the biggest 'learning' here is for the guys.

The next step is building rapport through flirting. Using simple techniques such as paraphrasing and using tonality effectively can make all the difference.

There are a number of different tools you can use to build rapport with someone.

For instance have you ever felt tongue tied, not knowing what to say next to that hot spunk you've been waiting to talk to? and when you do get to speak to them your brain suddenly forgets what to say? Well here's a quick tip, try and learn how to flirt with questions. It can be the easiest way to not only allow you time to think of something else to say, but it creates rapport as everyone loves people who are interested in them. You can't help it. You can use this to flirt at parties or in that all important first phone call.

Learn how to flirt - what do we need to practice?

The first thing we need to look at is how to make a good first impression. Get it right the first time, because you don't get a second chance to make a good first impression.

Now I did mention how important eye contact is in flirting? Yes, well I do need to add an important factor. We conducted a survey on how people perceive flirting and found a smile along with eye contact was shown to be significantly more successful than just eye contact alone.

Simple stuff hey? Although obvious once you read it, the point here is if you make extended eye contact and don't smile you can look like a stalker. If you do smile, things are a whole lot different.

Now also don't be discouraged if they don't smile back. For many people, others won't smile back straight away at the beginning but that's all part of our development here.

Overcoming fear of rejection can help us to deal with any negative thoughts going through our head, usually immediately prior to approaching or speaking to someone we like.

If you are chatting with someone, just make sure you aren't looking at your feet but instead concentrating on the person's face. Look away once in a while so they don't think you are staring them down of course. OK we have made the point, so lets move on.

How to flirt successfully

Try and re-read the above sentence.

When practising how to flirt, try this out on whoever you meet in day to life - make them feel good by showing genuine interest in them without having any real agenda.

We all have that ability and sometimes it is just a case of making the effort, to give people your undivided attention.

Learning how to flirt can seem to take some effort, but therein lays the answer; its those who have taken the effort that do get the results.

Katia's New Book

Katia's latest book is now available. Click here to purchase a copy To get real answers we went straight to the horse’s mouth, conducting a global study into the dating and mating patterns of over 1500 men and women. The study consisted of online surveys, focus groups, seminars, interviews and field research.

For more information click here